My Friend Sloane (& 4 film recs 4 u)

Community is a rug or a call or whatever you want it to be.

Thanksgiving is tomorrow. I hope that you are thankful for yourself amongst all of the other things, because I sure as hell am. I am thankful for betting on myself time and time again, for pulling myself out of my deepest and darkest holes, for reaching out to people and going and getting what I want, for making plans, for dreaming big. I am grateful for my anxiety because it’s forced me to get to know myself more intimately than I ever thought possible and to recognize my own resilience. I am grateful for AMC A-List and French New Wave cinema and gel manicures and reformer pilates and the Jet Age and scones and the desert and decaf coffee and Edinburgh and rings and being alone and martinis and birthday cake and bookstores and friends old and new and traveling by myself and running away and coming home. I am grateful for every mistake I’ve made because it has led me right to here, where I am so happy to be. I hope you take a moment to be thankful for some silly little things in your life because they actually aren’t silly at all and make you exactly who you are. Please enjoy this week’s piece which is both a movie ranking list and an ode to my dear friend and our new monthly ritual.

Montréal, March 2019

Sloane and I did not come together by choice. In the middle of my freshman year of college, my roommate decided to move out. I learned about her intentions only by discovering the advertisement for her half of our room on the freshman class Facebook page, so our friendship was all but in the toilet at that point. She told me she had found a girl looking to swap and that she “seemed cool” and similar to me. My freshman year had been stressful and untethered enough, as is everyone’s freshman year: I was nursing an expiring long distance relationship, taking Xanax to fall asleep every night, crying on the phone to my parents more than I wanted to admit, probably not eating enough, having my first panic attacks, and somehow trying to forge a sense of community and belonging in this new place. A new roommate was just one more hurdle to overcome, one more unknown to try and juggle.

In the darkest throes of my anxiety during that second semester, Sloane was there studying in the corner of our room. It wasn’t an easy time for her either: her own original roommate had sucked, her dad was sick, and she was contemplating switching from pre-med to following her true passions and studying film. We bonded as quickly as two nineteen-year old girls who were going through it mentally and emotionally could, sharing smiles and laughs between glazed stares and the frays of late and sometimes sleepless nights. Sloane was local to school, so she would often spend time at home with her family, which I totally would have done myself in her shoes. Sometimes we were apart for many days at a time, and I was lonely to begin with. But by Valentine’s Day, I was leaving her little treats and we both knew we had leveled up immensely as roommates and as friends. In March, she drove us into Detroit on the dark suburban highways to see Lorde perform and it was the most joy I’d felt in months.

Our last night together in the dorm was a snowy April Monday with the hard grey Michigan sky slamming down outside our window. We ordered Insomnia Cookies, a collegiate ritual, put on our pajamas and swapped our contacts for glasses, grabbed some blankets, and watched Heathers (my favorite movie) on my laptop from our shaggy Target rug.

I never achieved that sense of dorm community that so many people had, that so many of my friends had seemed to master and that countless shows and movies portrayed. My freshman year was awful, there is no nice way to put it. But I had Sloane, and she had me, and that night and forevermore, we both had Heathers.

Sloane went on to study Film, Television, and Media and graduated a year early from Michigan. During our time at school together, she visited me in the suburbs of Chicago, introduced me to Letterboxd (because Alyson, you don’t need to keep a list of every movie you want to watch on a Pages document), took me to my first Rocky Horror Picture Show performance, invited me to a Communist Disco party at her co-op, shot photos for my women’s health zine, encouraged me to be creative, came to my female orgasm-themed 20th birthday party, taught me about countless films, accompanied me to a Mitski concert above a bowling alley in downtown Detroit, traveled to Montréal in the winter with me for spring break, supported my acting debut in a student film, engaged in stimulating conversation about both Twitter memes and any and all -isms, and overall was a beautiful friend who was there for me and who got me.

While I live in New York City and she lives in Chicago, Sloane and I have always kept in contact and maintained our friendship. As I left Ann Arbor after graduating, I knew that distance from her was going to be painful, even if I didn’t feel it for some time. To this day, one of the most treasured gifts I’ve received from anyone ever is the Call Me By Your Name screenplay that she annotated for me in 2018 (it has moved with me to every apartment I have lived in since).

But every time I am back home, I try to see her if our schedules align. Most recently, we connected in July for what was way too short of a date, and vowed to start a movie club. Once a month, one of us would pick a movie that we would then FaceTime to discuss, semi-Socratic seminar style. We are officially four months in to our little ritual and I must say that it is one of the most gratifying parts of my life. I love getting to connect with a dear friend over our shared interest: cinema! And that in doing so, we can catch up on each other’s lives and rant about any and all topics (including why the original technicolor Wizard of Oz is visually way more stunning than Wicked). So I am thankful for hard times and for art and for friends near and far. I am thankful for this community that she and I built, because it is ours and I love it and it is enough as it is. Reach out to old friends, and always be ready to welcome new people into your life. I know that I would not be who I am today without someone like Sloane in my life. I hope that everyone can have someone like her in their life, and if you already do, make sure to tell them how thankful you are for them.

What follows is a ranking of the first four films that we’ve watched for movie club; drop a comment if any of these sound up your alley.

#4 - La Chinoise (1967) dir. Jean-Luc Godard

This was Sloane’s pick for August; we both love a Godard and I’m big into French New Wave, but it wasn’t really on my radar beforehand. This political satire follows a group of disillusioned students in France who decide to leverage Maoist principles to start their own class revolution. At times funny, at times confusing, it is always pushing the envelope and leverages that classic collage-style of filmmaking that is so central to Godard. This one took me more than one sitting to complete, but overall I found it to be interesting and I will never complain about watching Jean-Pierre Léaud on my screen.

#3 - Autumn Sonata (1978) dir. Ingmar Bergman

By this point, you probably know that I am a seasonal cinema viewer. How could I not pick something called Autumn Sonata for our September watch? A Swedish drama starring the iconic Ingrid Bergman (unrelated to director Ingmar Bergman), this atmospheric movie explores a strained mother-daughter relationship and takes place almost entirely in one room of one house. The mother-daughter themes resonated with us deeply; at the end of the day, all women are daughters. Raw performances against a Swedish 70s cottagecore backgrop, this one is slow yet unrelenting.

#2 - Paris, Texas (1984) dir. Wim Wenders

Are you even a cinephile if you haven’t watched this? While we both recognized that this is a bit of a film bro movie, we still couldn’t get over the stunning colors despite the at times slow and meandering story. A neo-Western road drama, this movie follows a recluse as he reunites with his brother and son before embarking on a road trip to track down his wife. Likely every film bro watched this once and was ~transformed~. Is it the best film ever? No, but we can appreciate the breathtaking shots, colorful symbolism, and parent-child relationship themes explored here.

#1 - Blue Velvet (1986) - dir. David Lynch

I love a noir film, and Sloane came through with this movie for our October watch. Movies made in this late 80s-early 90s time period are my absolute favorite, and this one did not disappoint. I actually would watch it again right now. Is it psychologically disturbing? Absolutely. Blue Velvet follows Kyle MacLachlan (king) as Jeffrey Beaumont, who finds himself independently investigating a criminal conspiracy case whilst building a relationship with a lounge singer (and simultaneously Laura Dern, the sheriff’s daughter! (gasp)). Once again, the colors are going crazy in this perfectly grainy, perfectly strange movie. It’s a polarizing one, but I am majorly in favor.

THE MEDIA CORNER

Watch: Reality Bites (1994) dir. Ben Stiller

Some movies truly arrest me, leaving me breathless and weeping and looking to the sky for answers as the credits roll. Most recently, My Old Ass left me in this state and I thought it would be some time before I felt this way again. But alas, Reality Bites! This film would’ve hit me so differently had I watched it ten years ago, but the message and themes still resonated as someone new to “reality” in the working world. Winona Ryder and Ethan Hawke shine alongside Ben Stiller in this 90s cult-classic about loving your friends, finding your way, staying true to yourself, and using your dad’s gas credit card as much as possible.

Eat: Honey Mama’s Peppermint Crunch Cocoa Truffle Bar

I’m a seasonal-snacker, sue me. Actually don’t, because you should be, too. I conducted my annual fall grocery haul in September (which you can watch here) but now it’s time for all things peppermint. Festive holiday coffee creamers are wildly abundant, yet as a non-coffee drinker, I gravitate towards literally anything else in the holiday grocery section. I love Honey Mama’s always; they use raw ingredients to make refrigerated chocolate bars that have more of a brownie/truffle consistency. Their Oregon Mint bar is my favorite, and the Peppermint Crunch is a true level-up from that. Find at your local Whole Foods Market.

Wear: Glossier’s hot cocoa balm dot com

I’ve been wearing balm dot com for nearly a decade, and I have no plans to stop anytime soon. I’m big on their neutral flavors/scents (mint is top), and usually I stay away from any candles or products that align with desserts or food. I have the Vanilla Cupcake Yankee Candle top of mind in this case. Whether it’s this balm dot com’s nod to 2004 Lip Smacker’s, it’s just-right warm brown hue, or it’s festive slant, I use this with all the seriousness and all the playfulness in the world.

Watch: Martha (2024)

Martha was the original influencer! I didn’t know all too much about Martha Stewart before watching this documentary, so found it to be incredibly engaging and fascinating. She showed the world that stereotypically feminine pursuits such as cooking, hosting, and homemaking can make money and that women being interested in learning these things is not a sign of weakness, but rather of empowerment. I love anything that relates to the reclamation of femininity, and Martha did that in style. She was harangued for being an assertive go-getter as a woman and for believing in her own vision. Now I want one of her books and to try out her 60s makeup ASAP.

Happy Thanksgiving. I am thankful for you, xx